By Alan Simmons, December 2020.
Brian Mills does not hesitate to kill
By resorting to his special set of skills
But would he have more promptly secured the release
Of his daughter by communicating in legalese?
I am not aware of your identity
Nor what your objectives may be
In placing my daughter in captivity.
However, should your motives be pecuniary
It is essential for you to know
That my capital assets are extremely low.
Seeking a ransom will be to no avail
And, thus, your plan is bound to fail.
Lest you are in any doubt, throughout my career
The skills I have acquired should cause you fear
Including but not limited to interrogation, karate
And improvised torture with electricity.
In the event that you do not release her unscathed
Within 48 hours starting from today
I hereby put you on notice unequivocally
I shall take the following steps cumulatively:
Searching for you wherever you may be
Locating you and regardless of your plea
Depriving you of your life
Without giving you the chance to apologise.
I will not seek your arrest by the competent authority
By virtue of the applicable extradition treaty.
And not lodge a criminal complaint with a view to prosecute
Nor will I seek damages from a civil suit.
One fears that using legal language would not eliminate
The ordeal of his daughter and her possible fate
But instead make the kidnappers irate.
That faced with their implacable response of Fat Mirë **
Brian Mills’ strategy could not be clearer.
Although the law would not empower
Him to pull down the Eiffel Tower
leading to criminal liability
For destruction of public property
And imposing on him a severe penalty.
* This poem is inspired by the film Taken and the characters created, written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen
**Albanian for “Good Luck”